Can you believe it’s been almost two years since you voted in record numbers to prevent a national slide into theocratic fascism? Neither can we, but it’s time to do that again!
If you’re a voter who supported us in 2020, you might be wondering why you should do the same in 2022. We get it. We made a lot of promises, and we haven’t always been clear about why our agenda has stalled.
We owe you an explanation. Good thing we have several.
First of all, how dare you.
Relevant issues: all
You have no idea how hard our jobs are. So when you ask us why we haven’t done something, you’re actually privileging your perspective over our lived experiences as people of lawmaking status.
We know you didn’t mean to be petulant and ungrateful, but impact can often matter more than intent. Please keep that in mind going forward.
“Well, you know better than I do. So I think one day you should run for the Senate, and then you do it your way. But in the meantime, I just won a big election.”
–Sen. Dianne Feinstein (D-CA), to schoolchildren
We can’t risk it.
Relevant issues: healthcare, student debt relief, electoral college reform, reproductive justice
We’ve worked very hard for our 43% approval rating, which includes nearly 27% of all independents! Why would we jeopardize that popularity?
Remember, the goal is to win over swing voters who might otherwise believe that Critical Race Theory is turning their kids into Sandinistas. Chess, not checkers.
It’s not bipartisan.
Relevant issues: voting rights, democratic integrity, immigration
Look, you can’t expect parties to be partisan. Outlining a distinct platform and convincing voters to support it is all fine and good. But enacting it? That’s poor taste.
We’ll stick to time-honored bipartisanship, thank you very much. If it’s good enough for the 1994 crime bill, the Defense Of Marriage Act, and the Iraq War, it’s good enough for us.
We haven’t discussed the pros and cons.
Relevant issues: reparations, statehood for D.C. and Puerto Rico
We’re not saying we can’t do anything about this stuff. We just want to make sure we’re fully informed about our options, so we’re gonna run it by some experts and donors first.
Trust us: commissions are perfect for these situations. Give us some time, and we should be good to go.
We’ve already discussed the pros and cons.
Relevant issues: Supreme Court reform
You asked us to consider expanding the Supreme Court or introducing judicial term limits? Our commission considered both.
They put on their tweediest jackets, kicked around some hypotheticals, and sent a report to President Biden that didn’t have any recommendations. It was a real gas.
Sorry, was there something you wanted us to do after that?
If anything, we care too much.
Relevant issues: LGBTQ+ rights, civil rights
We’re not afraid to say it: love is love. And when love is love, love wins. And that win, being fueled by love, sometimes runs into hate. As a result, sometimes hate wins, despite not being love, which as you know is love.
And if you really think about it, that defeat is how we know we’re on the right side of history.
We forgot.
Relevant issues: Guantanamo Bay
Found this one while digging through some old Obama boxes. Whoops! 🤪
Not enough positive role models on television.
Relevant issues: popularity, general vibes
This whole “vision” thing was much easier when we could just borrow clout from Leslie Knope and the West Wing cast. Unfortunately, Aaron Sorkin’s gone back to film and theater, so we’re fresh out of inspiration.
We keep watching those videos of George W. Bush passing candies to Michelle Obama, but a miniseries can only do so much.
It’s Ilhan Omar’s fault.
Relevant issues: all
If she wanted Joe Manchin to support the Build Back Better Act, she shouldn’t have voted for it. It’s that simple.